Eyes

What is it in your eyes that brings mine to tears? What is it that you see that ignites in you your fears? Do you see in me a vision? Is it a vision of you? Do you see a future so terrible, something that must never come true? When I look into your eyes I see only myself. I see the reflection of a man with a tear on his cheek. I see a man who tried his best only to succumb to being weak. And you look into my eyes. I see that in my reflection. I see a face across that demands my full attention.

But I have none to give. I’ve given my best. I’m given to this world, never once knowing any rest. There’s nothing more for me to be, there’s nothing more to do. So I look into your eyes for hope’s only sake. They stare back at me with a pain I cannot take.

Cruel and bitter world, did I not give you my all? Did I not sing praises to the sun, give worship to the moon? Yet you took my life, and you took it too soon. Now I am just a man thrown into the sea. Surrounded by reflections: others’ visions of me.

You were the sun. You were the moon. You were the stars that shone me wishes. How I wished. How I prayed. How I begged you for mercy. But you looked at me, you laughed at me, you saw in me a man not worthy. How could it be? How was it true? That I should sail this poisoned land and plant my seeds and grow roots grand and sacrifice my very self to be the wood that heats this house? There’s none of me that’s left to give, I’m fallen over, revealed my heart.

Is that what you see? Behind the tears in my eyes? Do you see beyond the darkness? A heart so filled with fondness? Ever unexpressed. Because this is what I see in you: a heart that has been split in two. I see a world so beautiful. I see the water placid. And I feel the pain. As the sky falls as acid. Flowers withering in my hand. Skies darkening wherever I stand. I call out in the storm, and I’m answered by a voice. It calls out my name, that I never gave it a choice. And yet you are silent. Your eyes never moved.

I float away on a sea. I am lost in you. I fight storms on the ocean. I thirst and I starve. The whispering stars take away my sleep. The bodies beneath me steal away my peace. The sky turns red and not in beauty. The sea turns green but not with life. And I turn old within time’s straight. Violent waters become my fate.

Unmoved. Unchanged. I cannot bear. Time stands still beneath your unwavering stare. What have I done? What have I not? Why won’t you speak your words? You brought me here. You have me here. You keep me here. I beg to hear. So speak. I listen. Or turn away your gaze. This cannot be who I’ve become. I wish to see happiness. I wish to feel joy. But the fire burns. Passion rages. I need no sun, be gone the moon. In your eyes, I shall find myself. I only await your blink. To release me. To be free.

Another day. Another week. Another month. Another year. I have still no idea what it is that you fear. But in the end, you merely look away. Or was it me who finally blinked? I don’t remember. Because you left so long ago. But seared was your image forever in my mind. That look in your eyes that took me my lifetime to find. It was their absence that brought mine to tears. That I roamed this lonely world in search of me. But the tears must fall eventually. The ripples disturb your image. And when they clear, it never matters in the end. Not where I am or where I’ve gone. Not what I’ve felt or where I’m drawn. It’s always me in that reflection. That expression all the same. It was never one of fear; it was my own look of shame.