Life Is Meant to Be Difficult
I wonder if the very reason for things being so difficult – as in not fully “trusting the universe” – is so that we feel the full emotional effect of everything that happens to us: both the ups and the downs. Because it’s easy to tell ourselves that everything will work out in the end. It’s easy to believe that everything is for a reason. But accepting that and trusting that is nearly impossible. I speak only for myself, though.
For example, I am currently in a situation where I worry about the outcome. This situation has been great for my personal development. There is not one thing I can complain about, difficult as it may be. I am able to look back at everything that has happened and understand why it has all happened. Tomorrow, on the other hand, worries me nonetheless. Why am I worried? It’s a matter of what I want versus what the universe wants. My mind imagines a world where I am happy. My mind knows nothing. The universe knows everything. What even is “the universe?” I have no idea. I have learned to trust it, yet I still worry.
Reconciling my inability to “know” is what leaves me uncertain about the future. I can think of what I want: what I think would make me happy – my desired outcome. Do I know that it will make me happy? With certainty? No, I don’t. I am nothing more than a human. I am no god. Maybe what I want would be great to happen in reality. Or, maybe it would be a terrible outcome. Whatever the case, it’s not for me to understand.
Instead, it is my human duty to pursue my desires. “The universe” isn’t going to suddenly take control of my body, allowing me to sit back and watch beautiful things unfold before me. Rather, it is up to me to work towards my goals. The question, then, is which goals are right and wrong? Which are good and bad? What is the “best” course of action? This is where I say trust comes in. And I do trust. So why do I still feel negatively when things seem to go wrong?
I wonder if it’s a matter of embracing the extent of our humanity. My mind will always be at odds with reality. It’s not about being a better person. It’s about being human. And we are human. We have human minds. They do what human minds do: tell us things. Why do I like this movie whereas you like that movie? There may be no objective comparison. Our minds simply say “I like this movie more than that one.” Meanwhile, there could very well be a third movie I would find to be even better. How would I ever know there’s something better? I wouldn’t. And that is the role of the universe.
Thus, I do whatever I want. I say this often, but be a good person. As a good person, doing whatever you want means you won’t be hurting anyone or anything (intentionally). So long as you have good intentions, there is nothing for you to “do wrong.” However, like I said, we are human. It is our imperfection that creates this human experience. Pain is not a cause of suffering. Pain is what causes joy. Were we capable of throwing aside our painful emotions in an effort to “trust the universe,” what would that benefit us? We would be sacrificing our humanity.
Sadly, I have neither the experience nor insight to say, “We are guaranteed happiness at the end of our painful journey if only we follow the universe’s guidance.” We may never be happy. I don’t know. Hence my belief that we must try to be happy. It is that very act of trying (both succeeding and failing) that gives our life purpose
I have course-of-life-altering decisions to make right now. The very idea that I need to consciously make those decisions feels unfair. How am I supposed to know what to do? I really don’t have any idea. However, my mind is doing its job – its human job – and pointing out a path down which I can imagine happiness. There are multiple paths, actually, but one looks better. I have my fears, my worries, my reservations. Is it a good path? Am I even capable of making it? I truly do not know. Nevertheless, I am human. Maybe it won’t work out. Maybe it will all end with pain. It doesn’t matter. It’s my human duty to make a choice in the first place, then follow that path as far as life will allow me. If it doesn’t go well, I will embrace my humanity, feel whatever I feel, and keep moving on.
There are things that I don’t know how to do. I am well aware that I must do them – that I must change in certain ways and do certain things. None of it is easy. Little of it is enjoyable. On the idea of watching beautiful things unfold before us, I have learned that I don’t need to be perfect. I have become painfully aware of my own problems thanks to throwing my entire life away to move to Iceland. There are certain things I feel I lack the tools to change on my own. Of course, everyone has those tools somewhere within. But there’s nothing wrong with needing help. There is beauty in being helped.
I’ve struggled a lot with the idea of inaction recently, being unable to find a job here. I have made use of my time as best as I can, writing a new book, building connections, etc. Though there is more I want to do, more I should do. I feel like I should, anyway. What happens when I don’t feel capable of doing something? Or when I lack the motivation to do something? I write about the necessity of action; what happens when I cannot act? Obviously, nothing will happen without action. But life offers a helping a hand. It doesn’t merely say, “Do this.” It instead says, “Take this hand.” In what form does that hand appear? That’s only for you to decide. For me, that has been other people, people who appeared at exactly the right moment. Too perfect to be coincidence. I still had to take action – to accept their help – which was not easy. As long as you do take action eventually, don’t worry about inaction. It’s never too late.
Self-awareness. Willingness to change. Being a good person. That’s all that really matters. I think of the coming decisions I must make. I still have worries. Yet I do trust the universe. And yet I worry all the same. If I could control the outcomes of things, then I would not worry. But I’m no god. Therefore, I must be human. It’s hard, but the pursuit of happiness is a good purpose.