A Rant: The Passage of Time
As the words, “You don’t have a job,” float through my mind, I think about this world that I’m in: both the one I have built for myself and the one we all live in at large. Someone close said those words to me, I don’t think with the intention of being hurtful, but they were exceptionally hurtful nonetheless. My one-year anniversary at work was a little over a week ago. There’s a lot to say about that…
Full Circle
The ebb and flow of life is as inevitable as the tide itself. Nothing is forever. Such is what makes life exactly that: the opposite of death. My friends have all gone their ways once again. One by one, in a rather short span of time, they have moved on to the new and the different. They aren’t necessarily gone by any means, but distance grows. Though some are, indeed, on their way to “gone.” Similarly, I watch the demise of many other important parts of my life, from my workplace to my writing group. Life happens, and that is that…
I Want to Be an Artist
There is a group that holds monthly poetry readings. Readers are allowed to participate every other month, and I’ve been reading there thus every two months since last November. My artist project hosts similar open mic events biweekly at a bookstore. We announced our next event today at this other event which is always enjoyable to attend. And I’ll be going to yet another open mic to read yet again on Friday. After my writing group at which I will read… yet again. There is an unmatched joy to the shared participation in the world of creating; the world of art…
On Art and Creativity
These past few days, I’ve been inspired to venture back into photography. It began when my friend asked me to do a photoshoot for her which then became two — one in December, one in January. I was inspired enough by actually creating something interesting that I went and spent a little too much money on a rare camera. I chose this camera because it is small and fun: I figured it would inspire me to take more photos by being easier to carry around, even if the quality of the images weren’t as good as my usual, professional camera. In the end, I didn’t use it. It has been three months, and it has been sitting around for the most part…
Profound Humanity
I’ve been on an adventure. This year has already been something extraordinary. It began with my “second” ever romantic situation (with the same person, going exactly the same way) along with the fulfillment of my big art-community project. I bought an apartment. I made new friends, got involved with more groups. And I have simply seen so much so fast, again. But that is not what’s profound. What’s profound is my perspective and experience of everything…
What Am I Doing and How Did I Get Here?
One year ago, I was unemployed. I had only moved into my first rental apartment the previous January. Before that, I was also homeless. My legal address was “undefined” up to then. Now, I’m sitting in my own apartment — that I own — thinking about an event I am hosting tomorrow: the launch of my business. Most people coming are my friends. Even my cofounder is someone I befriended through my writing group. Which was started with my coworkers at a job I made a name for myself within. Obviously, none of my accomplishments were in isolation. There were other people involved. Good people who deserve as much credit as I give myself. However, at this moment, I am thinking about me…
The Things I Can’t Write About
There is much more to my life than what I’m capable of expressing in a blog post. Obviously, there are many little things that comprise my days. And similarly, people, too. I usually only write about people when our interactions are either positive, or I don’t expect to interact with them (meaningfully) ever again. Sometimes, that expectation doesn’t go as planned. I’ve written about someone only to reconnect and learn they actually read what I wrote about them. I never name names or give identifying information, but were you to read an “anonymous” description of something you did (with me, on my own blog), it’s quite straightforward…
Everything is Possible
I had a rough week. A rough two weeks. I called in sick to work today. I’m going to call in sick tomorrow, too. A few hours ago, I began writing a very different blog post to that effect — about how I was feeling and my thoughts on such things. However, I met with someone from the group that holds the monthly poetry readings I like to attend and read at. Arranging the meeting was very fun: it’s not something I would ever feel the will or comfort to do ordinarily. But I was there last week with my business partner, and I said, “We should ask to meet with him.” So I went up and asked him to meet. And he agreed. To perhaps nobody’s surprise, he was exceptionally nice and open about it. However, my partner, last-minute, couldn’t make it to the meeting we scheduled for today…
Uncertainty, Risk, and the Self
The only certainty in life is the actions we will take. We can say nothing of their outcome. But we can take action. We have control over that. For example, my major goal for this new year is to become fluent in Icelandic. That is a goal, and it will not happen unless I do something about it. So, I’ve been reading my old books. I’ve spent about five hours reading the first one page. I have five pages of notes. And I did learn quite a lot. My action was reading intentionally, taking notes, and committing to making this a habit…
Home
Home can mean anything. To me, it’s the place I go back to. Not the building. Not the room. The place. In this case, not Iceland, but Reykjavík. Downtown Reykjavík. This is my home. This is where I do poetry readings. This is where I go to concerts. This is where I run my writing group and reading group. This is where I work. Where I meet people. Where I feel comfortable walking around, knowing every street. This is where the libraries are what give me space. This is where the language thrives that I long to speak. This is where I appreciate life as it is lived here. This is my home…
Writing to Rot, Passion to Burn
Perhaps my writing ecosystem is likened to that of fungus: let it all be left untended, lost, forgotten. Let it rot and decay, and my newest creations shall grow from the sludge like a fungus. It may not sound “beautiful,” but that is how it has been. I’ve been without internet for nearly two weeks. I wrote a lot. Quite a few blog posts, some poems, the starts to some stories. I probably won’t publish them. Instead, I’ll write this post — a growth consuming the decay of everything I leave forgotten. Of course, in this time, I’ve also been out and about as usual…
One Year a Human
At long last, I have lived in Iceland for one year, consecutively. On November 16, 2023, I landed in Iceland, moved into my Airbnb, and first truly called this country home. Since then, I’ve gone on a wild adventure as I have previously described. In the last two weeks alone, I’ve been to an evening work event, a Halloween party, a sendoff party, two birthday parties, a dinner party, and a movie night. Not to mention the regular writing group, meeting with the older man, karaoke nights, library group, and philosophy group. Or meeting with friends and work itself. All in two weeks. I find that a good summary of how things turned out for me moving to Iceland. Before coming here, what did I do? I met with my one friend remaining in Michigan perhaps once every two weeks. That was all…
Life Goes On
In spite of everything that happens, life goes on. I’ve seen so much so fast, yet here I am, still here, still going. Ups and downs — far too many downs, unfortunately. The feeling of leaving my entire life behind to come to Iceland was one of numbness: I had nothing to lose. Then, when I failed to establish anything here and had to return to the US, the feeling was of pure defeat. I spent many sad months in silent contemplation. But life continues. I came back to Iceland last November. That was a feeling of dread. I had no home, no job, no friends. No knowledge. No experience...
Philosophy Is Meaningless
I have a friend who discusses philosophy with me often, trying to poke holes in arguments and make counter-points for the sake of it. He doesn’t do it out of serious disagreement, rather for the fun of philosophical debate. However, a recent discussion motivated me to finally try and express my own personal philosophies in a more succinct manner. So here is my attempt...
On Life and Living
My time in LA was characterized by the stereotypical American city: eight lanes of crowded traffic in both directions, parking lots absolutely everywhere, no pedestrians, and big, fancy office buildings. The people I know told of their plans: working, moving up the ladder, and making money; school for the sake of work, work for the sake of money, money for the sake of a home. The enjoyment of life? The question was more often, “What enjoyment of life?” I feel bad for my Korean friend who just started a serious relationship only to have to go back to Korea for 18 months (putting his final years of med school on pause) so he can do his mandatory military service...
Whose Fault Is It?
Who is right? Who is wrong? Who to blame? Who to trust? Who to let in? Who to keep out? I’ve been fortunate to become privy to the private lives of quite a few people since coming to Iceland. Someone asked me an interesting question last week: “What would you least want people to know about you?” It took me a while to think of an answer because I don’t really have any secrets. After all, I write about my life, my thoughts, and my feelings right here. The whole point is to be open about everything. So I replied by telling him that I don’t want people to know about my ideas of Finland because I don’t want people to think I’m actively making plans to leave Iceland. And with my knowledge of others’ lives, I realize that many people keep secrets. And they rarely make sense...
On Doing What You Want
In all our hearts is yearning and desire. For the mountains. For the sea. For a person. For a life. We long and we yearn, but so rarely do we act. Instead, we look at those around us and tell ourselves lies: they are happy, we say. And we feel wrong to not be the same. But what is the truth behind their smiles? And what happens behind the closed doors of the homes of those we admire…
The Questions I Can’t Answer
When each and every moment and interaction is a lesson, what is the end goal? What is the purpose? The questions are spiritual, religious, or whatever you might label it. But to put it simply, if there were no reason for our existence, then nothing matters — we are blobs of flesh that were never conscious, so we will never be impacted by the going-ons of our lives: we die, the end. But, that is not the case. I can say that, at least, because I am me. Are you you? I should hope so, because I can only speak for myself. The big question here is this: why am I me and not anyone else? In that question is the proof of something more to life, some type of greater meaning or purpose. If I am me, then I am me for a reason because I could so easily have been anybody else…
It Took Me Four Months to Write a Book Description
…I finished the book by February, but I haven’t published it yet even though it is currently May (the 20th as I write this). It turned out that I had a few things wrong. The content of the book is perfectly fine, but I misunderstood the nature of various situations I wrote about. The take-aways are still valid, I simply feel “wrong” myself to or publish a book that contains descriptions of events that I now perceive differently. Were I to fix the book, however, I would need to write an entirely new book. I don’t want to do that: this book is valid. Rather, it is I who has changed. Thus, it has been a very difficult process to reconcile what I wrote…
Who Is Anyone?
Over the past month or so, I’ve been presented with a new world. Now that I have a place to live and a job, life, as I’ve written, simply happens. Every day is someone new or getting to know someone better. It’s difficult for me in group settings where everyone already knows everyone and I’m the quiet new guy, but it has been a good experience. It shouldn’t really be a surprise, but I’ve been able to witness the depth of people firsthand: we are all the same. It’s fascinating being able to understand the reasons people do what they do and say what they say. For example, there is one person I’ve been trying to figure out for some time. A simple statement here and there, and suddenly they make sense. I can catch it and realize: “This is why they behave the way they do.” Reality “clicks”…