Profound Humanity
I’ve been on an adventure. This year has already been something extraordinary. It began with my “second” ever romantic situation (with the same person, going exactly the same way) along with the fulfillment of my big art-community project. I bought an apartment. I made new friends, got involved with more groups. And I have simply seen so much so fast, again. But that is not what’s profound. What’s profound is my perspective and experience of everything.
Yesterday, I had a wonderful conversation with a friend who recently started his own website and blog. We met for our biweekly writing group, but we were the only two to show up, so we talked about anything and everything instead. And in the blink of an eye, two hours passed. One of my favorite movies is My Dinner With Andre. That interaction felt like living through that movie.
Today, not even an hour ago, I had a very similar, equally “movie-esque” night with another friend. I recently watched a movie called Waking Life on his recommendation, and as I have these interactions with people, it feels — again — like living through exactly that type of movie. I find it quite profound. On my walk home mere minutes ago, I thought about some very strange but very profoundly human things I would truly like to do. My only issue is that I would love to do these things with another person. I feel like much of the value is lost in doing them alone.
For example, visiting every store or public building in the city for the sake of it: to see what exists, maybe speaking to the owners. Or walking down the residential streets at night, seeing glimpses of other people’s lives and worlds through their windows, pondering what their human experience must be like. To name a few such ideas.
Much of what has been motivating me today comes from a conversation I had with a friend earlier about what she wants to do with her life. It fascinates me when people have desires and wishes or hopes and dreams — or passions — yet are still lost in the scheme of this world. The reason being, not by their own fault, the way the world operates: needing a source of income, obtaining qualifications, getting experience, and so on. However, there are decisions to be made. We can all pick out one specific thing, and say, “This is what I want to try.”
One of my friends, who runs the discussion group, asked me to lead the group this week while he goes back home for a few days. He left me the choice of topic, so I decided on “How do we find our passions in life, and how do we pursue them?” The topic has so far gathered more interest than usual which I’m happy to see. I’m interested to see how the discussion will go. But needless to say, these ideas have been running through my mind a lot recently. It’s nice when conversations arise around such meaningful topics, sparking yet more thought.
“Perhaps life is the acceptance of that which is: being your unapologetic self, using your mind to speak for your heart. Agreeing to experience. Living without fear to let it be known who you are, accepting invitation without worry. Accepting others as they are with the desire to know who they are. So that all strangers may so easily become a friend. That all lands might become a home.”
My recent work has all been expressing ideas or feelings along these same lines as in the quote from My City above. To put everything into a short summary of my mind, the profound humanity that I’m churning through is this:
The experiences that we have are made meaningful by our other experiences, be they good or bad in our eyes. There is a war within all of us between our hearts and our minds, a conflict of what we feel versus what we know and understand. In spite of logic, we cannot rationalize what we feel — it is simply not possible because our feelings are not rational in their nature; they are not our choice. And the very fact that we are capable of suffering gives beauty to the struggle and meaning to the moments like being absolutely exhausted yet staying out late to talk to a friend on the street about life and the hardships we have endured and the inner conflicts we are experiencing. Beauty is finding someone interesting yet having not the slightest clue why, then learning that your life paths are not meant to cross, and feeling what comes thenceforth in its entirety, being inspired to create thereby, and being able to look out a window in a mood of melancholy contemplation. Because if we did not feel even the bad things, none of that would have had any meaning. If I were able to rationalize what I felt, then none of my art or writing would ever have been born — because why would I thus feel the need to create?
Life is not the process of finding happiness. Happiness can neither be created nor found. Happiness is a state that we fall into. It is found only when it is had: it is not ours to find. Rather, life is the process of understanding who we are and what our place is in this world. It is the process of thinking and feeling that can only be had through experiencing. Through our effort to understand, we become “good” people and live “good” lives.